What does the Royal Wedding have to do with the condition of our heart? Hint: Our words.

Typically, on Saturday mornings I groan when my toddler stirs at 5:30 am, but this one particular Saturday I was actually excited that I had built-in alarm clock.  Because like many of you, I eagerly awaited the Royal Wedding of Meghan Markle to Prince Harry.

I watched with anticipation with the rest of the world.  What would the bride’s dress look like?  Which crown would she wear?  How would she do her hair?  How long would her train be?  Would Harry shave his beard?   How would she arrive at Windsor?  And the list goes on…

When the moment finally came, I was grinning ear-to-ear watching her bravely step out on the world stage to publicly proclaim her love and commitment to her man! I couldn’t wait to chat with other ladies about the details of the wedding, so I started texting my girlfriends and checking social media.

As I scoured Instagram and Facebook posts in real-time and in the days after the Royal Wedding, I was struck by all of the negative and harsh comments I saw about Meghan Markle, mostly by other women.  Many of them Christians.

The criticisms were mainly about the brides’ appearance.  Her dress was boring.  Her dress was not flattering.  Her dress was ill-fitting.  Her hair was too messy. Her hair was not formal enough.  She didn’t wear enough makeup.  She needed lipstick.

While the negativity surprised me a little, if I am being honest, I believe I was looking for people’s critiques.  Why else was I combing social media?

In the weeks that followed, I digested what I read and what I continued to see in the media.  I felt icky, realizing how harsh and judgmental we women can be about each other.  My college girlfriends call it being Judgy McJudgy.

A Call to Examine the Critical Spirit

I began to pray for revelation about what I was noticing about myself and others.  God was faithful, as always.  The Holy Spirit began to reveal to me that my critical spirit was a condition of the heart – specifically a negative attitude of the heart that seeks to condemn, tear down, and destroy others with my words.  The critical spirit was sin rearing its ugly head in the form of something that seemed benign.  Yet, anything that can cause us to gossip, judge or make us feel superior or prideful cannot be harmless.

I was led to these scriptures as an examination of my heart:

1.  Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
2. Galatians 5:22-23 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”
3. 1 Samuel 16.7 says, “God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

I had to ask myself, are my words, thoughts or intentions in alignment with the truth of the scripture? Am I building others up?  Are my words coming from a kind, loving, joyful place? Am I judging by the world standards or am I looking at the heart of the person?

When examining my own heart, I realized these three things fuel my critical spirit:

1. Perfectionism
2. Insecurity
3. Comparison (or Competition)

Basically, I am struggling to live up to my own standards which causes me to constantly judge others and myself and this is where the harsh and judgmental words come from.  Maybe you can relate to some or all of these feelings and struggles.

The Cure for a Critical Spirit

If you have identified with having a judgmental, gossipy or critical spirit, don’t worry, my friend, there is hope. His name is Jesus.  Our savior forgives freely when we just acknowledge our heart problem, our brokenness, our sin.

Ultimately, Christ fills anything that we may feel we are missing.  He freely forgives you and me and offers freedom from living up to any worldly standard, including our own.

I am not suggesting that we can’t enjoy talking about the more fun, superficial aspects of life.  I just wonder what it would be like if we obeyed the gospel – using our words for the glory of God by expressing the beauty we see in others and showing kindness, compassion and empathy to people, not knowing what they may be going through.

We’re all just doing our best, right?  Isn’t it possible that a celebrity and member of the Royal family is human too and could use the prayers and encouragement from her Christian sisters?

I would like to acknowledge Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex, for the grace with which she handled that day and for the courage she showed by bucking some of the Royal traditions and proudly displaying her personality, faith, and culture during her wedding ceremony. I am cheering God’s beautiful daughter as she takes on an incredibly difficult position and tries to use it for good!

Reflection

What causes you to criticize other people?  What has helped you overcome your critical, Judgy McJudgy spirit?

Consider that your heart is inextricably wed to your words.